Monday, March 12, 2007

The Female Merit/Demerit System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do
something she dislikes, and points are subtracted. You don't get any
points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the system is
set up.



Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES


* You make the bed. (+1)

* You make the bed but forget the decorative pillow. (0)

* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-1)

* You go out to buy her what she wants. (+5) In the rain. (+8) But
return with Beer. (-5)

* You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)

* You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)

* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something. (+5)

* You pummel it with iron rod. (+10)

* It's her pet. (-20)



SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS


You stay by her side the entire party. (0)

You stay by her side for a while and then leave to chat with a college
buddy. (-2)

Named Tina. (-10)

Tina is a dancer. (-20)

Tina has silicone implants. (-80)



HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner. (+2)

You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)

Okay, it is a sports bar. (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night. (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted
the colors of your favorite team. (-10)



A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie. (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes. (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)

You take her to a movie you like. (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter; you have one too." (-8000)



THE BIG QUESTION


She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter what]

You hesitate in responding. (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response. (-20)



COMMUNICATION


When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression. (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes. (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

5 comments:

crazyme said...

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Christine said...

Stumbled across your blog...I love this! Hilarious :-)

Simon Booth said...

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WorldisFunny Worldisfunny said...

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